My bestie has gone to Melbourne...and it left a big hole in my heart. What the...
No, I'm not trying to be poetic, I realized I suck at literature since I was in Form 2, art and science are somehow two very diverging pathways, even I tried to hold on to both, I simply had to give up one of them.
With she's gone, somehow I can think clearer about how things stood around me, Yes, I was the only one from my batch in KMB who studies in Adelaide. Everytime my friends ask about KMB, I'll reply them as if I was a grandma, telling stories to her grandchildren. Seems like those moments in KMB were the moments of a golden era I once had. No one said it was easy, in fact, I scored lousy marks back then compared to now, but I was happier, I know I was.
I used to tell my IRP group leader that I require only a small space of this whole world to live my life. He-who-must-not-be-named joked 'that's why you content having a roomate around', like a boss. I just laughed, he was in fact 'The Boss'. Haters will hate :)
As a kid, having a small cottage by the river with a field full with farm animals, and a swing hanging from a maple tree in my backyard was how I imagine myself living after I become an adult. An adult with a family of course. But life is more complicated than that. After all, what are the purposes of Allah sending me here. We all know the answers. Not to curl up in my cozy swing, reading a good book while sipping a cup of cappuccino.
But yeah, it feels like I'm currently living my childhood dream. I thought, taking care of a lucky bamboo plant and a couple of guinea pigs (they are both males though) will make me feel more normal? Like, in the midst of pracs and assignments, I can still take care of living things?
Socially retarded. That's 'normal' I thought I was heading to. I was downright awkward, I always knew it but somehow life made it easier for me before. I have class teachers, subject teachers, classmates, roomates, wingmates, blockmates, that were what they were for at least a year. Plenty of time to mend bonds. But uni is not like that, especially when you are an international student who think hanging out with Malays is not cool anymore (by what I mean cool is 'hello~ you are in OZ, you'd be wasting the opportunity of the lifetime if you still want to stick with the same bunch of people').
In uni, the lecturers hardly notice you, the coursemates do not necessarily be in the same classes as yours even they are enrolled in the same subjects as yours. It's true, I have 5-6 friends (not surprisingly, Asians) who I can do my homework and revision together with and sit in the lecture theater with, but mostly we talk about...well...how uni's been treating us, the due dates, the pre-reading, the lab worksheets. I tried to talk about their families, their original countries, their foods but I don't know, as far as I know, the conversations can only lasted five minutes, then I'd be running out things to say, so did she or he. People say when you're coming from a very different background, you'll have more things to say. I wonder why that does not apply to me.
Now, it's only hours from the new semester and days from Ramadhan. And I'm freaking nervous. I know this coming semester and Ramadhan should be better than the last time but I'm not ready, I know I'm not. Holiday has been treating me well actually, at last I could find times to read novels, bake and search for a casual or part time job which well, made me realize than I need to study harder, searching for jobs is suck! I seriously want job to find me instead because I loathe the resume, the CV and the cover letter. Maybe that's just my ego.
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